I'm proud of you. Well, actually I'm not. I'm upset that you never focused on yourself more yadda yadda old news. And well here are 30 things you should be proud of, be grateful for, have learned these past 30 years, because at least half of your Gemini self appreciates you even when you don't:
1. If you want to get a Phd go get it. Why are you wasting time working a corporate job yah dummy?
2. Stop drinking. Not only do you waste so much money on it but yah know drink some water eat something will you? We know you like to be social but, you can't throw a party in your bank account, only with it, get it?
3. You're not fat. Stop thinking that you're overweight or not skinny enough. Be honest. You're lazy and love to complain, amiright?
4. Just because you don't have a large group of close friends doesn't mean that you're a loser.
5. Thank you for allowing yourself to relax and binge watch online shows and not feel like you're missing something cooler going on... Even though you still do.. Well baby steps as Bill Murray once subscribed to..
6. Your bed your bed your bed. Tempurpedic! Yes it was expensive as fuck, but hot damn that Shit is comfortable
7. Be grateful for your sister. Love your differences. But admit it she is the best damn friend you'll ever have.
8. On second note with the sister love her and all perhaps close the door or create rules around shitting in your house or in the shower...smell is TBD
9. Dear George the frenchie bulldog pup aka chicken, it's been one month since you ate my bed, and although you don't know any better. I guess I will allow you to lay on my bed and look out the window at God knows what going on in queens
10. Megan you didn't do your installation, WTF?! Well hey self, I need pushing too, I am searching for a guru... Or at least I'm telling myself that
11. Love... Yeah skip
12. Dating... Yeah skip
13. Marriage... Yeah skip
14. You're pretty smart to live the last month of your 20's sober, I mean remembering, I mean sober, I really mean without carbs, I mean, who needs late night pizza...Oy
15. Goal statement what ever happened to that?! I Megan DiBello promise to accomplish X by December 31st 2016... Yeah get on it
16. Save your money stupid
17. Can you finally get out of debt please? You've been dragging ass on that one chase CC for like 6 years. The only one you're fooling us your credit score
18. Keep drinking coffee. Who wouldn't it's delicious, duh, this one's for you marvin
19. Stop smoking. The nurse two months ago did tell you your lungs will rejuvenate if you do. I believe her, but damn isn't it good to lay in bed and smoke?!
20. Dress in all black, forever, thanks.
21. Keep writing lyrics Lucy! One day someone will buy your songs or even listen to them. Your solo project will rise out of the hums recorded on your phone the lyrics in your notes section and hell the dust from your keyboard.
22. Always fucking travel. That equals always fucking travel. AFT it's a new thing. Forever. Or at least once a year. But take small road trips. Meet new people. Write about them. Capture how their voice sounds by secretly recording them. Yeah, take risks.
23. Cook more! Why the hell would you eat out all the time, when you have no idea how old or fresh the food is, or if the guy cooking the food just touched his ass or had a fight with his tattoo artist and well yeah ass tattoos suck so he is putting all that negative energy in your food. Aka just eat at home more and that doesn't mean take out at home.
24. Figure out 11-13, yah know the love dating marriage that whole thing. Don't be a corporate suck hole who works and works and never finds someone...aka those who date their job...
25. Write more! You wimp! You have like hundreds of poems, where's that book at girl?
26. Tell your parents you love them more. It's true and you're not angsty, I mean bitchy sometimes, but hey, they did raise you so.. You can blame it on them, just kidding! What's a Sunday dinner?!
27. Don't take Shit your dad taught you as false. You're a leader and not a follower. You're the best and the greatest. Fuck the other noise.
28. Always say what you feel. Never be in denial for being open and honest. Perhaps try and work on being less dramatic or expansive with your hands, but hey, fuck it it is who you are
29. Always tell bad jokes. Who cares if people laugh or don't get it. You get it, you laughed. And you can't make others feel things it's like a bad relationship...
30. When I was 17 I told myself I wanted to do 3 things, okay 4. I wanted to graduate college early, I did that. I wanted to get my mfa, I did too. I wanted to land a great job, I've had many jobs, but always what made them great were the people, even Geffner I guess, and fourth, I wanted to fall in love. See the biggest part about that is myself. At 30, I finally realized that I needed to love myself more than anything.
I wish I had wanted more at 17, and looking back, Shit, I've done a lot. So to 30x2 that's 90 more years, I thank you megan, one heck of a job kid.